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Duncan: I thought you had a Bachelor's from Columbia. Jeff Winger: What makes humans different from other animals? We need driven people or the lights go out and the ice cream melts.
Funny thing about being smart is that you can get through most of life without ever having to do any work.
Jeff Winger: I don't have a study group, Pearce, I made it up.
Britta Perry: You may have noticed this morning - not so good at the small talk. Pierce Hawthorne: Now Jeff, if you have all the answers, why the hell did you start this study group? Jeff Winger: This decision has to be yours, T-Bone.
If I was working with what you've got, she'd be at the Comfort Inn right now giving me a Mexican Halloween. I'm sure you'd rather be out with your hot professor. I enrolled here as a selfish loner, but you and the group have given me a crash course in friendship.
Jeff Winger: Oh, look, it's the eavesdropping matador.
No stereotypical identifiers from any race or gender. I'm willing to try some more mainstream feminine stuff.
Britta Perry: Fine, if it's important to Shirley, I'll go with her next time.
Jeff Winger: I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough, I can make anything right or wrong. [breaks pencil] Jeff Winger: and part of you dies just a little bit on the inside. We can sympathize with a pencil, we can forgive a shark, and we can give Ben Affleck an Academy Award for screenwriting.
We're the only species on earth that observes Shark Week.
But sometimes I'm not because I'm out there in the night staying vigilant, watching, lurking, running, jumping, hurdling, sleeping.
Where ever there are masks or if there's tom foolery in joy, I'm there.
Jeff Winger: Why are people trying to teach me things at a school that has an express tuition aisle? Jeff Winger: Okay, okay, okay, I'm sorry, it was an accident. But how was I supposed to know that you were smart and cool? Jeff Winger: You're just as selfish as I am - you're just not as good at it yet. Jeff Winger: Because you're a football player and your name begins with "T." Your name... with "T." Abed Nadir: Will they or won't they? Jeff Winger: Abed, it makes the group uncomfortable when you talk about us like we're characters in a show you're watching. [Cut to Jeff and Troy at a bare-bones football field] Jeff Winger: The dome arrives later. Jeff Winger: I'm locked out of my old kingdom. Jeff Winger: I'm saying you're a football player!